When I wake up, I sometimes listen to the sounds in the house until they settle. Whether people are going out or they’ve just settled. It’s when the quiet is calming that I sit up and get ready.
I change my clothes, even if I’m still wearing sweat pants. I go through the things I did yesterday. I try to set myself up for success today. I drink coffee, sometimes eat something.
Then I start.
Even if I’m not working and instead am writing, I try to work for a long period of time. I try to dedicate myself to the task at hand. I try to follow my lists. I listen to music. I watch YouTube videos. I stop and play Minecraft for a couple minutes because it helps me feel like a person instead of a blob.
I get up, I get food, I get water, and sometimes I stare out the window in the kitchen. Even if there are people in the house, I’m alone in my thoughts. Even if I get on the phone with people, I often feel that I’m alone.
Getting outside more often is harder with the heat and my rising workload. But I don’t mind. I try to get up and move around regularly. At the end of the day, I typically feel like I’ve accomplished something. I understand that I’ve done well. I understand that I’m still a person that is working towards a future.
I’ve fallen in love with these quiet and lonely days. They’re not painful. They’re full of feelings and books and shows. I relish that time alone. I guess that’s what makes me an introvert.