Thinking Out Loud

Writing has always been a passion of mine.  I have made it a priority every day of my life.  Even on the days where I don’t really put the pen to paper or the fingers to the keyboard, I am constantly thinking about the writing that I have done and what I want to do and what will come of it.  There are times when an idea gets so stuck in my head that I literally can’t think about anything else.  I came up with one of those ideas on the first day of Camp NaNoWriMo this year.  The idea is so stuck in my head that I’ve forgotten about the other projects that I want to work on.
I don’t think that this is a bad thing at all.  I’m really excited to see what will happen with this idea.  I don’t know if the story will be long or short.  I don’t know if it will consume the rest of this month or if I will need to set it aside for a while so that it can blossom into the full idea that I need.  I’m just so excited to have a story idea pop into my head without any prodding.
I would love to say that this is the product of fate and inspiration, but I don’t think I can attribute it to that alone.  There’s something else at work.  That someone else is the fact that I try to sit down and write every day.  Even if the writing is crap or I just sit there and type out boring sentence after boring sentence, I sit down and write.  Thinking about the process and forcing the words out are both important parts of the writing process.  If I didn’t try to get both of these parts down, then I would find that my writing suffers.
When I was in high school, I wrote every day.  It wasn’t that I chose a time to sit down and write.  I had notebooks and binders full of paper.  I would just write.  It didn’t matter where I was or who was with me.  I would write.  And I think that is what I was in love with.  I was in love with being able to escape through writing.
This might also be why writing is a little harder right now.  As much as I like to think that freelancing is going fantastic, it is an uphill struggle.  I have no way of knowing until the week or month has passed about how much money I really made.  And even then, I have to factor in all of the taxes that I have to pay on my own.  I’m really hoping that I can stand on my own, but I can’t afford to spend those hours away in dreamland.
I only budget an hour of time a day to write.  For some writers out there, that’s still a lot of time that I have set aside.  I don’t write during the breaks that I have throughout the day because I know that if I was to start writing, then I wouldn’t stop.  I would get lost in the thoughts and never come back out.  That’s not a good thing for me.  I need to be able to focus on work.  I know that writing when tired is supposed to be good for you anyways.
I hope that as I finish up these stories and get them to become something that I want that I will be able to at least have the energy and time to sit down and edit them.  I know that that process is going to take a little bit more time and I’m not always going to be able to do what I need to do, but I want to do the best I can for my writing.
What I want to do isn’t just what I’m doing right now.  I want to write books.  I want to be published.  I want to earn some money that way.  I know that it will take a lot of work to do, but I’m hoping that I can do it.  I don’t want to spend all of my time worrying about money and the time that I have.  I want to be able to lay outside and enjoy the sun on my skin for an hour without stressing out so much about it.
But life isn’t meant to give us what we want.  We have to fight for it.
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