No Shame

I don’t often talk about my mental health issues all the time. I don’t enjoy talking about my anxiety and the problems that arise with it. But after last Wednesday, I felt like I had to write about it because of how it felt. I know that mental health affects many people differently. Not every experience is the same, but I think the one that I had is kind of similar for a lot of people.
My anxiety hasn’t really ever stepped in and affected my life in a big way. I’ve had bad days and bad anxiety attacks that’ll take me out for a little bit, but I’m usually fine in a couple of hours. I might feel a little shaky, but I still can move forward and keep working on the things that I need to do.
Wednesday was not one of those days. I hadn’t been having the best work week. Not bad, but I upped the number of hours I wanted to work and I could have chalked it up to just unwillingness to work hard. But that wasn’t it. I knew that there was something else going on. I knew it because I could not get myself to do anything that morning. Getting out of bad was hard. Making anything for breakfast, even just a cup of coffee was hard. Turning on my computer and organizing my list for the day was hard. I was unhappy and unwilling. Everything felt a little bit off.
I did some work and then I just couldn’t get myself to do anything else. I had to stop. I had to step back from what I was doing and try to evaluate the situation. It’s led to a new habit, but I think it’ll come in handy in the future. I sat down and forced myself to label out my work. Luckily, the items that I labeled as essential were already done for the day. So I threw everything else out and just sat.
I played video games. I watched Netflix. I sat and didn’t move and didn’t do a lot of other things. It was quite possibly the worst mental health day I had ever had. I’m probably being a little over-dramatic, but I don’t have these kinds of really bad days ever. This one threw a little bit of a loop into my day and my week. It wasn’t enough to throw everything off and luckily it was just one day.
But I’m not ashamed of the fact that I needed a day. Mental health is such a hot button topic. I have people in my life that would tell me to get off my ass and work regardless of what happened. I physically could not do anything. And that’s okay. Taking a day to deal with mental issues is really important. If you’re struggling with your mental health, take a day off for yourself. If you can’t take off a whole day, then take off as much as you can.