One of my biggest challenges in the new year has been finding my ‘normal.’ Normal for a long time meant getting up, dragging myself to school, going home, doing homework, and falling asleep. That was most of my life. It didn’t matter that I had summers off. Normal was the constant tide of school. I didn’t mind all of that stress and business. I liked having something to do. I liked knowing that everything was going to be the same every day.
But I’m changing that. Or the universe is changing it. Normal is not a constant right now. Normal is redefined every single day from the time that I get up to the time that I go to bed. There are lots of people out there that aren’t going to be able to deal with my kind of normal. It means getting up at weird hours and going to bed at weirder ones. It means working all day just to have forced interruptions.
It means not always knowing what I’m doing over a weekend. It means late night trips to the store and long hours spent thinking and sitting. It means doing yoga in my PJs because I’ve spent multiple days with tense muscles.
Normal is an elusive thing when you’re living among so many people and wanting to stay in only a couple of places. Normal isn’t something that I think will have for a long, long time.
One day, I’ll have an apartment. And in that apartment, I will have a cat, a bed, and a desk. That place will be where I can work and where I can feel slightly better about the life that I have chosen. I don’t want too much, but just enough to call something my own. It’ll take months and maybe even years before I can get there, but it’s the normal that I’ve decided that I want.
There will be other people in that apartment, at least one other I hope. But it’ll be my place. It’ll be the best thing I could hope for. It’ll be mine and it’ll be home. Above all, it will be my normal. And I will change it as I see fit with the tides that come my way.